Who Am I Now....

I wrote this at a summer writing course in January - I think its still relevant (four months later) so here goes....

I am Ivana, a daughter, a friend, a lover of all things creative, a daughter of God, a princess in His kingdom, desperately seeking her place in this world.

I am a friend of many amazing wonderful, talented, interesting and eclectic people. I love the way my friendships break age and social stereotypes. I love that people who are from so many walks of life experiences and stages influence my life.

I am a lover waiting to be loved, waiting for his arrival, but trusting in Him, my great ‘I am’, my King, to provide him (the lower case ‘h’ him) when He (the capital ‘H’ He) is ready.

I’m impatient, I’m lonely, I’m sad, but I’m hanging on to hope and trust that he is coming.

I am a ‘mother’ in the spiritual realm. I am an Aunty. A proud, excited – overly excited – overly proud Aunty to more than I can count.

I am an influencer and encourager of many.

I am a mentor and friend who loves unconditionally, without judgement and who will champion their cause, their life and loves to the end of time.

I am the love of my God’s life. I am His daughter, princess and flower.

I am a mental health patient trying to find the answers to my depths of despair and hurt and solutions to my crisis and why I cannot seem to let go of my fears.

I am a good Croatian daughter. Doing my duty. Doing the expected (except getting married to a good Croatian boy – or any boy for that matter!). I am my Mother’s daughter and do my duty. Clean the dishes, do the kitchen. Visit the graves. Serve the food, men, family. I pick up the uncles and aunties. I do the hospital visits and I put up with the shit – because I am my Mother’s daughter.

I am a work in progress – I hope – I know (in my stronger hours).